…but you can!

That’s right, I’m now on a desk of cars, along with a bunch of my pirate friends!
You can get you own deck by using this order form.

Sunday afternoon about thirty minutes before our final show, I was getting a drink of water when a little boy in full pirate regalia came running up to me. He began to chatter away, and I turned and knelt to listen.
“I have a treasure chest just like you do!”
Now at this point, I didn’t recognize this child, but since my treasure chest is almost always in my haversack and hidden this had to be a kid I had interacted with before. He proceeded to pull out a small hand carved wooden box from the bag he was carrying over his left shoulder.
“See!!!”, He proclaimed triumphantly!
“Oh yes that is indeed a fine treasure chest !”, I responded. To my side now appeared Clare De Luna, also happily enjoying the display of treasure. I looked into the treasure box, and noticed a mini message in the bottle, and a very familiar plastic gold coin alongside another gold coin, a few fairy godmother stones and some small copper colored coin shapes.
I instantly recognized the treasures as those belonging to my little friend from the day before.
He happily exhibited his treasures one by one to both of us, as we looked on with excitement. When he got to the small copper colored coins he explained that his dad made them for him. I felt a presence behind me and glanced back to see Dad now watching this display. The boy’s fingers fondled a small grey brown slightly polished stone. He looked up to his dad for a moment as if to get approval, or perhaps to draw strength. Dad, sensing the trepidation said, “we have been looking all over for you all afternoon”
“You have? Well, I’ve been around , we must have just been missing each other.”
The ice sufficiently broken, and courage mustered, the boy chimed in, “I want to give you something”
“Oh little one, you don’t have to give me your treasure.”
At this he looked slightly unsure and glanced to dad for advice. Dad nodded.
The boy gently removed the stone from his treasure chest and handed it to me. I took the gift with great flourish and treated it as I do all gifts from the little friends, like it was made of the most precious materil on the planet.
His father then explained that the boy had searched all through the house the previous day after they got home, and then continued all morning trying to find a suitable gift for the pirates he met. He finally decided to pick out two favorite rocks from his rock collection and bring them to us.
I nearly melted right there.
After this, the boy looked at me and said, “but where’s your brother bob?”
I explained, “Well, bob should be back very soon as we are going to do our show again in just about 5 minutes time, in fact I need to go the children’s area now so we can get started. You are more than welcome to join us and watch it again if you would like!”
“What do you say buddy, should we go see it?”, asked dad
“YEAH!!” came the exuberant reply as the boy began to hastily re-pack his bag.
Once the bag was packed, and secured, we made our way back to the children’s kingdom area. As we walked, the father and I spoke of a few things, including the family’s newfound desire to attend Bristol, and to do so in costume.
Once we arrived in the Children’s Kingdom father and son found a nice spot on the ground, dad sitting Indian style, with son in his lap and began to wait for the show to begin. I went behind the curtain, and told Andy of the boy, and a quick recap of the gifting. We then walked out front to let the boy give “Bob” his gift as well.
After the show was over and all the other kids left, our little friend came back up to me, and started once again talking. He again told me about his party he had, and how his dad had taken them out on a REAL boat!
Dad stood behind him shaking his head… “He is normally so shy, and quiet, this is just incredible.” I looked up at him, smiled and gave the “this is magic, just accept it” look. The dad understood, without a word.
Then the boy looked me straight in the eye, and mustered every ounce of courage he had and said, “will you come to my birthday party next weekend?”
Once again this little boy nearly turned me into a blubbering idiot. It was the most heartfelt request I have heard in a while.
“I’m so sorry little one, I would love to come, but sadly I cannot. You see my brother and I…”
“You’re going out on your ship aren’t you!!!” he interjected excitedly.
“We are indeed me boy, but don’t you worry, you are going to get to see us again at Bristol.”
When he heard that they would be going to Bristol, and would see us again in a few weeks, he got excited.
“Will it be a very long car ride?” he asked worried.
Dad, still standing behind him shook his head no.
Using the information from his father, I responded, “no, me boy it will not. Don’t you worry, we’ll see each other again!”
Satisfied, and excited he said good bye, and returned to his father, they turned and walked off to enjoy the rest of their day. As they passed through the Children’s Kingdom gates the father turned back for a moment, smiling ear to ear, and said “Thank you, you guys are wonderful!”

Saturday at the Janesville Renaissance faire Andy (Bob) and I had a little boy approach us after sitting through the show with his mother. He was around 4 years old, and had watched the show with the intensity of a cat who has a mouse cornered and knows he will shortly enjoy a juicy delicious treat.
“Um… can I have the recipe for your stew! I’m having a pirate party tomorrow and I want to make your stew for it!”
I avoided laughing at his request and instead shot the mother a look of joy as she stood back softly giggling at the innate humor of the request. Not missing a moment to play, I knelt down to him and told him that I would look and see if had it written down.
I pulled out my treasure chest from my haversack, and started rummaging through the contents with a little flourish. After a moment, I pulled out a miniature message in a bottle, and explained that while i did not have the pirate stew recipe, I did have a recipe for grog that he could have.
He flashed a huge smile and took his new found treasure from me and then quickly placed it in his jeans pocket to keep it safe. As he reached into his pocket his hand brushed on a small glass bauble he had received from one of the fairy godmothers. Realizing that he too had important treasure, he clasped his fingers around the trinket and withdrew it from his pocket. His eyes glowed with new found excitement.
Holding the bauble protectively in his hand he gingerly presented it to me to examine. As I examined the treasure he proceeded to explain how special it was because it was given to him by the fairy god mothers. No sooner did that thought leave his mouth than a realization that he had other treasure a pirate might like to see entered his mind.
His mother chuckled behind him, “He’s normally so shy!”
He then proceeded to retrieve from his other pocket, some plastic gold coins he had gotten and showed them to me as well. I marveled at the sight of such precious treasure and then told him he should keep them safe. I then re-opened my treasure chest and found a different style of plastic gold coin and gave it to him to add to his collection. He gasped with excitement, “Wow you have real ones!” Apparently a plastic gold coin given by a pirate is far more real than a plastic gold coin given by someone else.
He then thanked me and put away his treasure and returned to his mom to continue their day at the faire.
That alone would have been an incredible interaction itself. It did truly amuse me, and make me very happy of what we have accomplished. However, this is only the first of the story. Read on…

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m certain cats of previous years have all be amazing as well, but I’ve never been as involved with them as I am this year. Sunday, Andy, Sarah, and I began the daily stage show in Kids Kingdom by gathering a small audience from the overall light faire attendance. We had managed to draw in enough people that it would work. The show began, the audience was laughing and paying attention with the occasional glances up at the sky which was growing ever darker. About half way through the show the wind picked up, and a few rain drops began to fall. As they did audience members began to get up and leave, attempting to seek shelter. At this I noticed two of the FABULOUS Kids Kingdom cast who had been standing at the rear watching the show race back stage, I assumed they were battening down the hatches of things back stage. moments later they re-emerged carrying an enormous deck umbrella and proceeded to set it up of the remaining folks in our audience. Arabella Byrd (also a Sarah) then proceeded to stand there and hold the umbrella over our audience for the remainder of the show. I cannot begin to describe how awesome that was.
I will find some way to repay that kindness.
This cast rocks!

Yesterday just after the final battle between Robin Hood, and the Evil Sheriff I returned to the inner circle of faire to find a group of people staring up at the sky and worrying. The sky looked ominous, you could see the line from the front passing directly over the circle, and the sky to the west looked dark with disturbing cloud formations. I asked a few people if they had heard if there were any special orders, are we supposed to be seeking shelter? etc? No one had heard anything so, After a little discussion I decided to make the best of it. I knew the patrons would all be fleeing for their lives and the only thing to do would be to get out there in the streets and entertain them while we had them, and hope that they might decided that if the cast was still playing around, that it couldn’t be to bad and they might just stick around.
I’m not sure what point Andy arrived during the deliberations but right after I had resolved to go out and make the best of it, we glanced at each other, a flicker of insanity sparked in our eyes, and he suggested, “Hey do we have a rope!?” “There’s all sorts in the pole barn” I replied. “Wanna go row?” As if I would say no?!?!? “Hell yes!”
Andy disappeared into the barn, and returned with a long rope, and proceeded to tie it around my waste, he then did the same to himself, I handed him a paddle and we headed out to the streets. When we stepped through the gates there were patrons fleeing everywhere, and we jumped into the frey rowing, improving our arses off. “No one worry, we’re safe, we lashed ourselves to the nearest large object we could find! Ourselves!!!” Worried looks turned to smiles and laughter. Everywhere we went people rushing to escape the perceived doom began to laugh and smile, point, or offer comments. In top form and not missing an opportunity for comedy, Andy Looped us around a tree so that it looked like the two of us had been tied to it. We leaned out from the tree, and began to row, “No one panic! We are rowing the festival to safety”, “STROKE! STROKE! STROKE! STROKE! …. if we keep this up we are going to have a STROKE!! STROKE STROKE!” We looked for groups of patrons huddled in shops and did our best to entertain. “Don’t worry! In case of an emergency these two idiots can be used as a safety flotation device!” We lashed ourselves to trees in front of shops where patrons were huddling to stay dry, as we did, something amazing happened. Patrons became excited about the nonsense, and wanted to be involved. They would run out into the rain they were so desperately trying to avoid just to get pictures with us. Countless “Captain Morgan” poses were struck by patron after patron posing with us. Some played along assuming the role of a captain, barking out orders. Others just quickly got their picture and ran for cover again.
We wound our way haphazardly towards the gate following the patrons, offering boat rides, and other advice, all the while tied to the end of the rope. “ROW ROW ROW YER BOAT! GENTLY THROUGH THE STREAM!!!” We invented, and promptly forgot new versions of that song all the way to the gate. As we neared the gate we passed the Town Square Public house where the Bristol buskin frolic and others had gathered upon its balcony to sing. “…and the ocean waves do roll…” We hammed it up on the street, doing an impromptu dance worthy of being used as an example illustration of how “white guys can’t dance” and then moved on to leave the BBF and company to entertain folks there, not wanting to eat up focus.
We moved ever closer to the gate, next encountering the Earl of Bedlam, whom we promptly wrapped up in the rope between us, and quickly ran through all the previous bits about lashing things to ourselves for safety. Again not wanting to steel audience or focus from another performer we moved on leaving the Earl to his patrons. We next encountered a couple members of fight cast, one of which decided to dive over our rope and do a roll into the street. We let him, and then moved on to the gate as the storm continued to dump buckets of rain upon us. Once we arrived at the gate we found some patrons, huddled in the remembrance shop, as well as a steady stream exiting the faire. we once again lashed ourselves to a tree, this time by the gate, and started rowing. More random verses of ROW ROW ROW yer boat were bellowed, more reassurances that we were fine , more insistence that we were rowing the festival to safety. As the patrons passed they smiled, they laughed, they occasionally joined in. The last thing they saw as they exited the gate on their rainy day was the two of us making the best of a bad situation. “Look I’m doggie paddling”, I then stuck the paddle in my mouth, leaned out from the tree using the rope as support, put my hands up and panted around the paddle. At times during our fun I even caught the security people laughing at us.
As the rain let up we claimed credit for saving the festival from the storm. As we began working our way back to the pole barn we encountered two patrons, a man and a woman, one insisted on crossing over the rope between Andy an I, We refused, and made him go under, we then insisted that the woman climb over, and we lowered the rope. They chuckled, and as we walked away, Andy turned and shouted “Congratulations! You are now married!”. I nearly lost it, the patrons doubled over laughing, and high five-ed each other and then held hands happily laughing their way to the gate. Andy fell overboard off the imaginary ship, and had to be hauled back up by his rope, as he re-boarded his thankful manly hit to my shoulder caused me to fall overboard, requiring me to be hauled aboard. It was that moment that eventually triggered my favorite bit. I took the 2nd paddle back from Andy and whispered “Water ski!!!”, not missing a beat, he began water skiing off me as I rowed like a man possessed. Unbeknownst to me at the time, Andy was in rare form, he was performing jumps, daring poses worthy of Tommy Bartlet, and all sorts of crazed daring-do. As I rowed I began to shout “We’ve invented a new sport, we are calling it Water Skiing! It’s sure rough on the guy rowing though!” people responded with laughter. Cameras flashed, people pointed. We continued this all the way back to the barn, occasionally switching places.
When we finally returned to the barn we collapsed in a fit of laughter.

Worst

• Forgetting my mothers Birthday was Friday
• Saturday morning rain making for soggy wet clothes all day
• Nearly letting the heat get to me Saturday
• Wet clothes causing chafing is all sorts of abnormal places

Best

• Sundays rain inspiring Andy Maar and I into some great fun bits all involving being tied to opposite end of a big rope
• “don’t panic we’ve lashed ourselves to the nearest large object we can find for safety, each other!”
• lashing the festival to ourselves to keep it safe
• tying ourselves to various trees and rowing the festival to safety
• offering ourselves as safety flotation devices in case of emergency (a nod to Bounding Main)
• boat rides
• marrying two patrons in a bizarre rope crossing ceremony
• inventing a new hobby of water skiing, but boy is it hard on the rower…
• seeing the whole musicians revel Saturday
• Sundays sing-a-long at the old wash well
• the wonderful cast in KK grabbing a giant Umbrella and holding it over the audience for andy and I’s show
• being surprised by a friends visit Saturday
• awesome pumpkin Sunday!
• breaking a group of non responsive patrons Sunday morning
• the return of the newest old holiday “paddle day”
• Jyncks getting beat up by the sheriff but fighting back this time. Then having the kids in the area help crank jyncks back up using his hands as jacks
• cinnamon scones and broccoli cheese soup
• once again seeing how amazingly supportive this cast is of each other

Weirdest

• Once again just randomly blurting out a patrons name without ever having met them before

This, turned out to be an incredibly fun weekend at the Bristol Renaissance Faire. Despite my back still acting up, I had a great time!

Worst

• backing into a friend’s neighbor’s truck after dropping her off Sunday and damaging both vehicles
• still having some back pain Both days
• missing out on duck brownies

BEST

• Best audience of the season!!!
• Sing-a-long at the old wash well with friends on both Saturday and Sunday
• Having a nearly full house for Andy and I’s show in KK
• Hugs, gifts and excited questions from fans of Cutlass Cooking
• Finally catching a New Minstrel Reveu show this weekend
• Fantastic compliment from Joe Fernandez
• Huge turnout for pub crawl Saturday, and actually getting patrons to sing along on songs and even contribute verses
• Finally getting street time together with Andy
• Watching Ann Q’s bit stealing soup from the duck get such great reactions from cast and patrons alike!
• Little girl so excited about learning how to row that she accidentally clocked me in the face with my paddle when she turned to show her mom
• Hearing how excited other cast were over their weekend too!

On Sunday all of Bristol mourned the loss of our friends who had passed from this world during the past year. This is accomplished by a solem, period accurate march by our military. I caught up with the procession at it’s end where I was able to hear the final words of tribute.
After the conclusion to the procession there were many standing about trying to hold on to or possibly regain their composure. I offered comfort and support where I could.
As most began to trickle away I became aware of a young girl standing in our presence. I turned to her and smiled and waved, a pleasant and warm smile greeted me back with a timid wave tossed in for good measure. I approached and knelt down so that we might speak.
I began the conversation asking her how her day was going. She replied with confidence and the verbal eloquence that could have rivaled the queen herself. As our conversation continued she proceeded to describe for me, in vivid detail, her experiance earlier at the maypole. As she spoke the sorrow I had felt from the parade lifted and I could not help but be infected by her enthusiasm. Our conversation ended and she politely excused herself so that she could continue her days adventure.
I stood up and again waved as she left the area. Just then our mistress of misrule passed by still greiving for a dear friend. I called out to her but she did not hear me as she rushed to the maypole to meet up with her cast. I ran after her finally catching her attention in the shadow of the town square public house.
I could see the grief weighing upon her heavily, and informed her that I had a story for her that might just help. I then proceeded to tell her of the child I had spoken to only minutes before. As I did a smile washed over her face. “thank you, that was exactly what I needed.”

We later saw each other again and to my surprise the young angel was just a few feet away entranced by the marionette and smiling away, her day still bright and cheerful. These are the truly precious moments that make all we put ourselves through worth every drop of sweat.

Best

• First thing Saturday morning being set upon by the Sheriff and his men, and getting patrons to lie to him in my defense
• Having so many friends show up to support Andy and I at our first show in Kids Kingdom Saturday. It meant a lot!
• Having a much larger audience at the end of Andy and I’s show than at the beginning.
• Singing in the street with Jon Baade, and Jen Brinkman, and earlier with Jen Spitzer
• Having a patron shout “you bastard!” at the sheriff when he attacked Jyncks, and the bursts of laughter when I “re-inflated” Jyncks after the fight.
• Watching Robin and his men fawn over Jyncks after his defeat and totally ignore Little john writhing in agony on the ground.
• Being able to help in the process of re-uniting a little lost girl, Lizzy, with her parents.
• A sweet little extremely well mannered and well spoken ~5year old girl who right after the funeral described to me in great detail her exciting time at the maypole.
• Being in the right place at the right time to support friends after the funeral procession

Worst

• Sundays Funeral Procession
• Missing out on the Musicians revel I love so much

Absolute Best

• The serendipity moment of being out with the repaired “pirate’s booty” puppet when we encountered a group of blind children. (Details to come)

Sunday afternoon we found ourselves milling about near the end of the parade route, talking to people, and of course having pictures taken. While there I was approached by Bob and Jen Curry with a surprise gift. The night before, Bob had taken it upon himself to make some incredibly awesome cedar wood signs. Each sign had a different phrase and relevant image hand burned into them. He presented them to me, and instructed me that they were for us to use during pictures. BRILLIANT!!! His timing could not have been any better as we were actually on our way to the official photo booth for our 1:00 to 3:00 shift. I placed the signs in the fabulous haversack that TJ had made and given to me as a gift on Friday. It turns out that the signs were and exact fit for the sack, and by leaving one button unbuttoned I had easy access to them at a moments notice!
We had taken no more than 10 steps before we were approached for pictures, and so I sprung into action and selected an appropriate sign, “Bilge Rat” and had one of the two boys posing with us hold it. The parents chuckled and took their picture. A few more steps and we were approached by two young girls, out popped the next sign, “Pirate Property” for the two of them to share. We progressed slowly due to a combination of pictures and my need to stop and talk to any number of the fifty million people that apparently know me.

We arrived at the photo booth right on time, and introduced ourselves. As it turns out, that was almost unnecessary, as the photographer had worked with us two years ago during the Christmas on the Corners event. The same event were we all started working together. We started out the photo shoot with a picture with the photographers daughter. His wife had previously gotten a picture with me that night, and she now wanted one of her daughter with us all as well.
It didn’t take long before people began to notice Captain Jack was available for pictures, and before long a line started forming. Thanks to the skill of the photographer, our antics, and the differences in the subjects I don’t think there were any two pictures that looked alike. After the first 20 minutes or so we began to autograph the pictures as well, and the line continued. We had our pictures taken with individual kids, whole groups of kids, whole families, and even family pets. Before we knew it it was 3:00, and our time was over, or was it?
While Ian and I were standing off to the side waiting for a solo Captain Jack picture we were approached by Dean from Bounding Main. It turns out they were the next group scheduled for the booth, but they had a conflict and were wondering if would be possible to get out of photo booth duty. I agreed on the spot. After all the Photographer had just told us we were the best group they had all weekend, and had drawn lines they had not yet seen, and we had all been commenting on how much fun we were having. Realizing I had just answered for my cohorts, I quickly asked Ian and TJ both to confirm my assumptions, and when they did we bid Dean adieu, and started our second shift.
Any time we noticed the line dwindle away I turned my already trashed voice up to 11, and would bellow out “PIRATE PORTRAITS”, holding the last syllable as long as possible. The first time I swear 3/4 of the tent turned to look. After the 2nd time Ian began timing me. I started at ~18 seconds, and worked my way up to 28 seconds. I think, had I not already trashed my voice, I might have been able to go longer. Muahahahah. At one point I even got into a competition with the massage booth who took a cue from me and started doing the same. It seemed like no time at all had passed when the Photographer began packing up his equipment. We looked at our watches and discovered it was 5:30, two and a half hours had passed in the click of a shutter.
We thanked out hosts, who thanked us profusely and then headed off to end our weekend.

I cannot begin to properly express how lucky I am to have the opportunity to work with TJ, and Ian. We first officially met two years ago at the Port Washington Christmas on the Corners event. There we teamed up and wandered the town doing our best to entertain folks on the street, in the shops, and the occasional horse drawn carriage. If I remember correctly (correct me if I’m wrong) that was TJ’s first experience with this type of improv / street entertainment. His good nature and willingness to be our pawn allowed Ian and I plenty of opportunities for fun, including one of my favorites, presenting Captain Jack Sparrow to the local hair salon for a makeover.

Over the past few years every time we have worked played together, (work is such a strong word, we have to much fun, it’s can’t be work…) our abilities to play off of each other has grown. I see it most in TJ, and am VERY proud of his growth. I was reflecting on this with a friend Saturday, and had no sooner had I relayed the story of that first night together did Captain Jack appear behind me escorting two young girls over to me to attempt to barter a sale. We bandied back and forth about prices, haggled over value for the price. “I’m even including the hair mate” “The hair is included!?!?!? Wow, that is a deal! Now what about the umbrella? On a day like this that’s a valuable commodity. I suppose that’s extra?” We asked for opinions from the group of folks around us, asked the father to confirm their worth, their work ethic, had them open their mouths to inspect their teeth, and all the while the girls were laughing hysterically. Their father frequently snapped pictures between his own fits of laughter, and interjections. We brought it to a conclusion that included a negative bidding war between the father and another person we decided to let the girls go and they bounded off to their father the three laughing about the whole experience. Afterwords my friend had a look of awe on his face and commented how much fun that whole bit was. TJ had proved my point better than I could have in an hour of talking about it.

From the minute Ian and I met it was ‘go time’, “Oh look there’s someone over there!” He is just as willing to pounce on anyone as I am, and is always ready at a moments notice with something to add into the mix. We often find we have the same ideas of where to go with various bits and can pop back and forth between each other with ideas as if we had rehearsed them for days. We also both just can’t help ourselves even when we have reached the end of the day. Sunday we were walking back to the hotel to part ways at the end of the weekend, and even though the festival was officially over we still just couldn’t help ourselves. We talked of a variety of casual things, then we saw a random stranger and jumped right back into the thick of it making comments to them, after they passed we once again just dropped right back to casual conversation as if we had never even stopped in the first place.

They are both truly talented entertainers, and I consider myself most fortunate to have the chance to work with them. I am even more so lucky to be able to call them my friends. Ian, TJ thanks again for such a brilliantly wonderful time this weekend!!! I look forward to our next encounters Look out world!

Friday afternoon TJ, Ian and I were attempting to make our way to our second cruise of the day. We have found that no matter where we travel as a group we are constantly stopped for photos. As long as we are not late for a scheduled task we are more than happy to mill about and let people take our pictures, and talk to us, that’s what we are there for after all. As it was, we were quickly running short on time to make the ship before it departed, but a family approached us, their son bubbling over with excitement about meeting Captain Jack. The son, afflicted with some form of development disability darted back and forth from his parents to jack, the excitement so great that he could not contain himself! The parents decided this would be a wonderful photo opportunity, and rustled through their bag to retrieve their camera. Once it was retrieved, they setup the shot and the father pressed the power button on his camera to turn it on.
Nothing happened.
He tried again, same result.
Dissapointed, they called their son back and prepared to leave without their photo. I couldn’t let that happen, “Sir! one moment!”, I called. I then reached into my pouch, removed my camera, extracted the batteries, handed them to him, “will these help?” Overwhelmed he looked me in the eye with a deep gratitude that I lack the words to fully describe, “Thank you!”, he mustered. His wife’s face lit up as she realized what was going on. The flustered man then fumbled to hurriedly exchange the batteries with his own and after two tries got them properly placed, pressed the power button and the camera sprung to life.
They posed, got their shot, and after an exchange of heartfelt thank you’s he returned my batteries and they walked away with their photographic treasure.

For the future, I plan to keep at least one set of brand new AA batteries on my person at all times in case this ever occurs again. I will insist they keep them too…

On Saturday and Sunday mornings at the Port Washington Pirate festival you can have Breakfast With the Pirates. During breakfast we pirates wander around entertaining the diners, pose for pictures, and of course, steal food from peoples plates. During the course of the breakfast I often start out an interaction with a table by asking what their favorite breakfast foods are. I get a lot of different answers but almost always one answers “pancakes”. If Captain Jack Sparrow happens to be near by or at least in hearing distance of me repeating it, that end up being a cue.
Upon Captain Jack Sparrows arrival he declares that the breakfast item in question is to be renamed “flapjacks” in his honor. A typical interaction continues, “Jack! You can’t go renaimin’ breakfast items just because you are famous” “why not mate?” “Because it’s just not right! What do you say kids, PANCAKES or flapjacks?”. Inevetably most kids agree with Jack… Some times we opt to resolve the dispute in a duel using forks. During the duel Jack always calls out, “look isn’t that the governers daughter?”, and points behind me. I of course fall for it fully and turn allowing him to stab me. “Fine Jack, you can all call them flapjacks if you want but I still in sist they are pancakes.” At that conclusion I usually leave them to Jack to let him do his thing. The bit always gets a lot of laughs and builds excitement for the kids.

Sunday afternoon TJ, Ian and I were all working the festival photo booth when a small boy in full pirate regalia approached to have his picture taken. As he grew closer he glanced back to his mother who coaxed him with, “go on, don’t you have something to say to Captain Jack?” The boy then glanced towards me and a smirk of defiance grew across his face, he looked up at jack towering above him and, with all the conviction a six year old can muster let out a fierce “THEY’RE PANCAKES!!!”. We all three broke… I roared with laughter, Jack, quick on his feet, turned and walked away refusing to have pictures with someone so difficult. The photographer used this moment to start composing the shot. “Grand on it lad!”, I said and put my arm around his shoulder.
When the shot was finally composed we had Jack and the boy standing back to back in a defiant pose, me sitting along side the kid, grinning and I think giving the boy a thumbs up.
Afterwards we autographed the picture frame continuing the fight in wrighting.
This was hands down the most memorable moment of the weekend, and will live in infamomy for years to come.

First of all, the weekend was a blast. I really do LOVE this festival. The crowd is always great, and I couldn’t ask for a more talented group of people to work with.

Worsts:

• Bruising my heel Friday, making for all sorts of foot pain all weekend
• Cold rainy weather Saturday thinning out the crowds
• Weather cutting the number of cruises again

Bests:
Ok, there are far far to many to list them all… I will make additional posts about the best of the bests and link to them as I do.

• Working with Ian and TJ again
• “THEY’RE PANCAKES!!!”
• Windy Cruises
• Emergency Battery Service
• “Kim’s Media Whores”
• Photo Booth Duty
• Surprise Appearances by Friends
• Jacuzzi

Tonight I think I may have managed to pack 3 personalities into one suitcase. It wasn’t an easy task believe me. “Why are you packing?”, you may ask. You may even ask, “Where are you going?” Well, its that time of year again when I get to travel for work to the location of the yearly conference for our user group for our Library Automation Software vendor. This year I struck gold with the trip though. It just so happens that the conference is nestled all nicely in the middle of the week that falls between Opening and second weekend of the Scarborough Renaissance Faire in Waxahachie, TX. Waxahachie is 30 minutes south of Dallas and the conference is, yep, you guessed it, in Dallas!
So, this year I get to attend both the conference and the faire. Work agreed to fly me down early and back late, (same price just different days than I normally would have) allowing me to attend the faire on the weekends. Work will pay for my hotel while I’m at the conference, and thanks to a VERY generous friend and his wife, I have a place to crash when not at the hotel.
WOOT! So, look out Scarborough here I come!

For those keeping score, the three personalities include:

1. Work John
2. John T. Hawser
3. Relaxing John

Oh, also, while packing I found a pocket in the suitcase that I had apparently missed when unpacking from the Germany trip, and I found the gift I bought for my mother that I was sure I had lost! She was very pleased.

Sunday was day two if the Ohio Renaissance faire pirate invasion weekend. Chris and I arrived about 30 minutes before the gates opened and so spent some time out front taking pictures and interacting with some of the cast. Saturday pre-gate interaction seemed almost non existant, there were the Toga guys who seemed to just do a lot of yelling at people or talking about modern things like cars, seatbelts, and YouTube. There was a talented young man who was checking for weapons, who seemed very capable of handling the crowd in a constructive manner. Sunday the rest of the cast seemed to have woken up or something as there was a lot more pre-gate activity. It started with a man who activly engaged the audience in cheering and shouting. I had to laugh as his first attept to have the crowd shout for a young child to make her feel special resulted in a lack luster response from all but three people. Chris, David, and I, all three capable of a decent outside voice, overpowered the entire rest of the audience in our response. It shocked the performer. “you sir”, pointing at me, “Are worth half an audience alone!” I laughed…
I also met with one of their more talented noble women, who was worried for the safety of all of her jewlery what with all the pirates about. She had decided to blend in by dressing the part. Her take on this was to add a skull and crossbones bandanna under her hat. She played it up rather well, certain that pirates everywhere would now pay no attention to her in her “disguise”. I couldn’t resist giving her a mini message in a bottle, explaining she needed to know the proper method of sending forth messages to pirates which would certainly help convincing any pirate she encountered. She seemed genuinly thrilled that a patron was playing along with her bit.
After the gates opened we stepped inside and stopped to listen to the muscians. While there I became aware of a large family standing to one side ignored. I couldn’t resist… I ambled over and greeted them as if I were cast… I noticed the youngest boy was very timid and scared. I motioned for him to come closer and got down on my knees. The father figure in the group eventually was able to bring the boy closer with the help of the boy’s brother and sister. The father explained the boy was scared of pirates, a rather obvious statement. I then set upon working my magic. I started off by reassuring the lad that there was absolutly nothing to fear from any of us. I then asked each child their name starting with the young boy, who had now relaxed a bit. He muttered something unintelligible. The father encouraged him, “Go ahead Malichi”. The boy then repeated his name a bit louder but still unintelligable. Not wanting to embarrass him I used what I overheard from his father and greeted him in person. I then progressed down the line getting each childs name. At that point I rummaged in my treasure chest retrieved 2 bottles and a dragon tear. I presented the boys each with their own bottle, Malachi’s eyes lit up. I then, with a bit of dramatic flourish presented the girl with the dragon tear. She too lit up with delight. I then progressed into the story of how the magical stones work. At the end of the story I added that I suspect that the bottles, being good at holding things, might just bottle up happy memories too. The boys both looked excited. At that we all began to pose for pictures. I leaned over to Malachi and asked if he would like to hold the treasure chest. He nodded vigerously.
After taking a handful of pictures I proceeded over to the woman in the group who was wheelchair bound and who had been quietly observing the intteraction with a smile. “My dear lady I would be horribly remiss if I were to allow you to leave my company without a treasure of your own.” I reached in the chest blindy and let it work it’s magic, my fingers latched onto a brilliant blue stone which I presented to her. I asked if she heard my story earlier to which she replied “oh yes!” she then thanked me greatly. “my lady, would you care for a portrait of your own?” “oh! yes please!”
I then positioned myself behind her chair, extended both oars, placed my head near hers and began to row. The family burst into laughter and got their photo. I then excused myself, said good bye to Malachi and started to leave. The father approached me, thanked me and commented that little Malachi was afraid the pirates would eat him. I stepped back agast and then reassured him he had nothing to fear, as pirates certainly would not eat little boys. At that I left them to rejoin Chris and David who both complimented me.

More later…

Yesterday Chris, Mike and I attended the Ohio faire. Mike had never been and was in the area so he joined us. While there we were met by Curt and Ray as well. The morning gate was a bit difficult to here but seemed to involve lord leister or the mayor leaving the money needed for her magestys progress in the care of pirates who of course we suddenly nowhere to be found, thus setting the stage for the latter game of human chess.
Over all we did not notice a lot of changes to the site physically since we were last there 3 to 5 years ago. The cast seemed much Smaller this year and in some cases much less trained. It’s a shame really as they are a very energitic bunch.
I did have one interaction that stood out, sadly for the wrong reasons. I was walking along with Chris when I heard three guys make snide remarks about my oars, they then approach to “interact”. The three were dressed in frat boy representations of Greeks. The concept made no sence to us but whatever. Then one guy made a comment about the size of my oars and joked to his companion “and he’s got a small chest to boot”, at that he smacked me in the chest had enough to make a “thud”. I was so taken back with him actually striking a patron that I had nothing to say. Apparently noticing this, his companion called me on it. “so what do you have to say about that!” I responded, “I have absolutly nothing to say and frankly I am going to walk away and ignore you complettly before I do.”
Seriously, as far as Im conscerned it is NEVER ok to hit a patron! Ever!

As promised, here is the post about the party. Before I get into details, I would again like to thank for picking me up, and returning me safely to the hotel.
We arrived shortly after nine to a party that was in full swing. The party officially stated at eight, and neither of us wanted to be among the first there. As we were getting organized and ready to head in we were met by our host, the one and only Bilgemunky. We then headed in and met with the guests inside the door. A few seemed familiar, and it turned out they were. Most were people I’ve met through the Port Washington Pirate Festival. and I then proceeded to fill our mugs. He had brought along ingredients for a special concoction that was extremely tasty. While our beverages were being concocted, I felt a gun shoved into the small of my back. I didn’t give it a second thought, or even a reaction at all frankly… (Yeah, I’m not normal) The owner said, in a very familiar voice, “See, the man has a gun to his back and doesn’t even flinch…” I responded with, “Why would I, when I knows I got nothin’ ta worry bout from the man whats holdin’ it.”

I then turned to greet my good friend Ian, and his wife Chris. The four of us made full introductions once again, to make sure everyone was acquainted. At this point we were hit up for pictures, a strangely frequent occurrence when Ian and I are together. Ian, Chris and I wandered the party together most of the night. We talked of a great many things, past, present, and even planned a few events to come.
Later in the night Bilgemunky carved the roasted pig, and many pirates set out to balance out the libations with a little meat.

After eating, many of us moved out into the back yard to continue our discussions and after a while, it was time for the group photos. I didn’t had my camera up to the collection so I don’t have a copy, but I suspect there will be some passed around at some point.
As the party thinned out a little, with a little prodding from yours truly, started a shanty sing in the back yard. (He brought songbooks, so it wasn’t like he wasn’t planning it all along ) He started off the night with “Rolling Down the River“, funny thing about that is that song had been stuck in my head since Thursday afternoon, so I actually had a pretty good idea of the chorus and all. He continued with a few other songs, with the other party goers joining in when they could. Ian and Chris were standing next to me and also joined in. After the 4th or fifth song I looked to and said, “What’s next?” He looked back and said, “you could do Ambletown”. “Now?” “Yeah” “Ok…” and with that I launched into Ambletown. I finished to applause, which still dumbfounds me every time I think about it… From there I let the pro handle a few more, then I ended up doing “Long time ago”. Not that this will come as any surprise to any of you that know me, but standing there, singing along, and even leading on a couple songs was the highlight of my night. I really just have a lot of fun with it, and even if I’m not all that great it doesn’t matter as long as it was fun. I think we finished up the singing with Drunken Sailor, which by this point in the night most guests left were. After that we milled about again talking and carrying on until about 2 am, when there was only a few of us left and we decided to call it a night. After thanking our gracious hosts, and I got back into his car, and he dropped me back off at the hotel.
All in all a fantastic night, and I look forward to next years party

Last night I attended a party for Talk Like a Pirate Day, in Milwaukee. I’ll post more about the actual party in a future post. Some of the most memorable moments of the evening happened while I was at the Hotel waiting to be picked up to go to the party, and after I was dropped off after the party. I would like to offer a disclaimer on the post-party behavior, I had been drinking some and was certainly not 100% child friendly, not that the situation really warranted it at ~2:15 a.m.
(more…)

So what with this bein’ Talk Like A Pirate Day and all I discovered Facebook added “English (pirate)” as an option ya can be choosin’ fer language. Bloody thing don’t translate everythin though… So our library FB app was still landlubber speak. I have now added internationalization support and added pirate as a supported language so now iffn ye be addin’ our app and yer a good pirate you’ll get a piratical version of the app.