I hate being reminded at 3 am that I forgot to change the smoke detector battery.

Today has been a rather relaxing day of doing absolutely nothing. I’ve not been sleeping well lately, and doing absolutely nothing today has felt good. Granted I feel like I’ve been very lazy, but frankly I don’t care…

Halloween? What? John, it’s June… Yes, yes it is. I have had an idea for a prop I want to build since the after Halloween sales netted me some faux planters. The idea is to have a skull burst from under the “dirt” of the planter. To do this with enough speed to startle anyone will require theist of pneumatics. Tonight I sat down with my Dremel in hand and built the inner workings. I’m proud to say that as of 10:15 pm I have a basic working prop.
the solonoid I’m using is a low amp model capable of being directly driven from a micro controller. This means I should be able to add in lighting, sound and perhaps even fog all controlled by whatever trigger I wwant.
Muahahahahaha
I’ll post pictures soon.

Last night Karl and Gabi joined me for my weekly open mic night at the StoneFire Pub in Yorkville, IL. It was nice to have some friends there with me for a change. Granted I’ve made strides in befriending the regulars but it’s much nicer to have a chance to hang out with my regular friends too. It’s especially nice that I didn’t have to go a hundred miles out of my way to do so too.
So anyway, we sat around had dinner, talked, and listened to the regulars that show up. There was much silliness, and beer. Speaking of, is it a bad sign that I can walk in and sit down and the bartender immediately walks to the back to the “special” cooler to retrieve beer for me? No questions asked, no nothing… Yeah, I’m a creature of habit… I like my Hacker-Pschoor, what can I tell ya…

Well, last night was night two with the new A/C unit. Here’s the deal so far. The new unit is one of those free standing variety of A/C’s on wheels. The manufacturer states that it is a super quiet model and really, it is much quieter than the old window unit in the hallway. The problem is, it’s now in my bedroom, next to my bed. I’m still very much a light sleeper and I do still wake up violently if disturbed on occasion… Cue the new little unit humming away… that at various points in the night changes modes with a random clunk or odd “thwip” noise… So far the unit has only been hit once. Oops…
Me, I’ve not had a full nights uninterrupted sleep since I installed it, but last night was much better… I suspect tonight will be a full nights sleep…
Over all , the unit does as advertised. It cools the room, it does it very efficiently, and is mostly quiet. (would be fine for people who are not paranoid sleepers) Last night I turned it on about 30 minutes before going to bed and it cooled the 86 degree room down to 74 in about 40 minutes. I like that this model doesn’t require me to drain the water tank. (It has a mister hose that spurts out the window) I wish the exhaust hose was a little longer so I could move it farther from my bed, but I think I can fix that with some creative furniture re-arrangement though.

Thanks to Karl and Gabi, they went with me today on my quest to locate a new A/C. We went to 3 stores before I settled on a free standing unit. It comes with a hose that fits into a panel that actually works in my sliding window in my bedroom. I finally have an A/C unit in my room. Previously the A/C unit I was using sat in the window in the hallway, I then had a set of fans I used to “pipe” air into my room. This will be MUCH more efficient, and best of all, to remove it from my window takes all of 2 minutes time, tops and it requires NO modification of the window.

Hey gang, I had some trouble with my cell phone. I had to reset it fully, when I did, I synced it, and expected all my numbers to return. Sadly that was not the case. I lost a lot of my more recently entered numbers, and anyone who’s last name started with K. (Karl, I have your info from elsewhere so no worries) So, If I should have your cell phone / home phone / dog’s pager number, whatever… please email me your contact info so I can put it back in my phone. email to: john@wohlershome.net
Thanks All!

Well, I took the paperwork to H.R. today, and made it a point to only speak to them in my faire accent just to confuse them. Hey, if I have the accent, why not use it

So, as far as HR, and the Department of Homeland Security are concerned, I am a legal U.S. citizen…

I have to take paperwork in to work to prove I am a legitimate US citizen… Think I should talk to H.R. using my Cornish accent?

This was supposed to be posted 2 weeks ago but somehow wasn’t.

Ok, so perhaps I’m a little nuts… Yeah I know.. “a little?”… I have been seeing those Capitol One “Card Lab” commercials, and found them kinda silly. “WAR KITTENS?” But I got to thinking, you know… It would be kinda cool to have a custom card… So I dinked around in the Gimp (photo editing software), and came up with an image to use on my card.

Yeah, I’m a dork… but hey, I really have fun playing Hawser…

And no, thats not my real card number!

I hate to jynx myself, bit I am finally feeling better I think. The number one indicator is that its no longer quiet in my head. On most days when I’m not ill I tend to have some part of a song stuck in my head. When I’m sick its silent. Yesterday I awoke from a nap to find the tune of shallow brown running in my head. It took me a few minutes to figure out what was different but when I got it I knew I was on the mend. I’m going in to work today and can hopefully manage the full day without exhausting myself.

Ok, seriously… It’s been a week and I’m still under the weather. What the heck did I pick up at port wash?

Breakfast with the pirates was a lot of fun. This time around I managed not to drive any kids to tears (that i know of) and managed to get a number of laughs, and good interactions from them.

One of my favorite moments happened Sunday when the breakfast area became so full that Captain Jack (TJ) and I moved to the entrance / bar area for some fresh air. When we got out there there were a number of people waiting for their tables. Not being ones to let a captive audience go to waste, we immediately started playing with them. At one point we had asked about what they wanted for breakfast, and a kid replied pancakes. At that Jack interjected with “Don’t ya mean Flap-Jacks mate”. Seeing an opportunity for fun and audience participation we took it and ran with it. “Oh, come now Captain, ya can’t go around renamin’ everything after yerself ya know…” Captain Jack responded with something to the effect of “Oh, I think I can mate, I’m the Captain after all” “Fine fine, yes.. well ya know we pirates are all a democratic sort and what not, so what say you to a vote! Who amongst ye thinks they should remain pancakes” most of the group raised their hands. “1, 2, 3, 4.. 79 HA! Oh I think ye be out numbered cap’n”. Jack responded with a “We’ll see” “All in favor of renaming the breakfast item currently known as the pancake, to a flap-jack in honor of Captain Jack Sparrow raise yer hands.” About three people raised their hands. At this Captain Jack trained his pistol on the audience and of course they almost all switched their vote “1.. 2… 3… 84 I win!” So at that ‘fair’ vote… I raised myself up to full height, puffed out my chest, and began to proclaim; “Here upon this day, by fair vote of all present, it is hereby decreed by the power vested in me by Captain Jack himself, that the breakfast item formerly known as the pancake is to now and forever be known as [mock disgust] the flap-jack …sigh… in honor of the great Captain Jack Sparrow” then muttered under my breath “but I liked the name pancake…” People seemed to get a kick out of it and were definitely smiling. We then mingled a bit more, and this time when asked what they were planning on having for breakfast the responses were quite comical. We had defiant people who insisted on having pancakes, which got them looks from Jack, and the occasional self corrections of “panca… er… flap-jacks!” After a little bit more interaction we decided it was really getting far to crowded in the restaurant for all of us pirates and the people, so TJ, Ian, and myself left the restaurant to continue our fun outside.
So people of the world, if for some reason the name pancake starts disappearing off the breakfast menu, and is replaced by “flap-jack”… You can blame TJ and I…

This weekend presented many many opportunities to interact with people. Some interactions such as the invasion cruise, and the breakfast with the pirates events were scheduled, others were not. When not scheduled to be anywhere specific I wandered the festival grounds, as well as the main street in town. Originally Sunday was supposed to be the day of the parade. Due to inclement weatherthe wrath of god part 2 the parade was canceled. During the time of the parade I had gotten word that a number of the performers were performing at the nearby holiday inn. I decided to check it out, rather than take the short route that also provided more cover from the rain, I decided “ehh, I can’t really get any wetter than i already am” and as I took the longer route down main street, where the parade would have gone. As I turned the corner onto main street I discovered that at least some Wisconsinites don’t let rain end a parade. Huddled under a few awnings, and door openings, wearing parkas and rain gear was a collection of kids and adults apparently waiting for the parade. “Look there’s one, there’s a pirate!!!” I sauntered over to them and asked them what they were doing… “Isn’t there supposed to be a parade?” one woman asked. I responded, that yes, under normal conditions there should be a parade, but sadly it was canceled due to the rain. At that the kids in the group looked rather downtrodden. “Lookin forward ta the parade were ya?”, I asked the kids “uh huh” came the response. “Well, I’ll tell ya what, I can’t get you a full parade with floats and everythin’ but what do you say to having yer own personal private pirate parade?” They looked at me like I was from mars… “No, really, how about I give ya yer own personal private pirate parade… wow thats a mouth full isn’t it?” the kids chuckeld. “Oh, its funny is it? let hear the whole lot a’ ya say it” the kids stared blankly… “Right, let me hear you say ‘I want my personal private pirate parade!’” The mother was the first to say it. then with a bit more encouragement the kids all asked for it. Fortunate for me, at that point two patrons dressed in their pirate finest came by with umbrellas… “Alright then, if these good pirates wouldst indulge me for just a moment, I now give ya your own personal private pirate parade!” At that the 3 of us marched down the street in front of the ‘crowd’ , waving I made sure to over exaggerate my steps and used my paddle as a baton ala bozo’s circus, and shouting “I love a parade, a personal private pirate parade…” After we marched past the group I broke off from the patron couple who continued on (i assume happy to get away from my insanity) and returned to the group. I then handed out my mini messages in a bottle to the kids, and informed the whole group that there were things still going on at the festival site, and that there were also things happening at the Holiday Inn right down the street from them. At that they all made their way down to the hotel, and joined in the group there who were being entertained by the Jolly Rodgers, Bounding Main, and Jock Stewart. I followed along behind slowly.

“There’s a hole in the middle of the sky”
At one point during the day Sunday when the great monsoons of the day started, I found myself in one of the marketplace pavilion tents. I noticed a steady stream of water falling in the middle of the tent. Rather than have patrons who weren’t paying attention walk into the stream, I decided I’d have some fun with it. I looked up and noticed there was a hole in the tent in that spot, so I positioned myself directly under the hole and started thinking of what to do. Then the song “theres a hole at the bottom of the sea” popped in my head, and I began parodying it.

“There’s a hole in the middle of the sky, There’s a hole in the middle of the sky, There’s a hole, There’s a hole, there’s a hole in the middle of the sky.”
“There’s a pirate who is wet under the hole in the middle of the sky”,
“There’s a pirate who is wet under the hole in the middle of the sky”, There’s a hole, There’s a hole, there’s a hole in the middle of the sky.”
“There’s a hat on the head of the pirate who is wet under the hole in the middle of the sky”, “There’s a hat on the head of the pirate who is wet under the hole in the middle of the sky”, “There’s a hole, There’s a hole, there’s a hole in the middle of the sky.”
“There’s an oar on the hat on the head of the pirate who is wet under the hole in the middle of the sky”, “There’s an oar on the hat on the head of the pirate who is wet under the hole in the middle of the sky”, “There’s a hole, There’s a hole, there’s a hole in the middle of the sky.”

And just as I was about to add the mug verse:
“Theres a mug that is almost full on the oar on the hat on the head of the pirate who is wet under the hole in the middle of the sky”

The mug shop next to me knocked one of their ceramic mugs off the shelf and broke a chunk out of it. To that I announced “Look 10% off on that mug right there!” The shop keeper cracked up, and I left.

This past weekend was the Port Washington Pirate Festival, 2008 edition. (now with extra soggy pirates!) Sadly we had a lot of rain, and some evil storms that managed to cancel a lot of the events. However the rain didn’t stop us from having fun. I’ll try to recall some of the better moments over the next few days, but for now I will start with a best and worst list, as is traditional.

Bests

• Getting to perform with my friends again; Ian, TJ, Al, Paul, Bob, Mike, and the full ensemble cast.
• Breakfast with the pirates
• I didn’t cause a single kid to burst into tears this time
• Special family visitors
• “Official” pancake voting / renaming ceremony.
• Name that kid! Behold the psychic powers of John T. Hawser
• Poke Mon, the Jamaican pirate game
• “Look a rhinoceros eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich”
• Bacon Boy
• Sharing lessons
• The great bagel puzzle
• The guest book
• The legend of Bluetooth the pirate
• “There’s a hole in the middle of the sky”
• Sailing on board the windy
• Singing “Haul Away Joe” with Tom Kastle, while under sail, on board the windy.
• Impromptu shanty set with “Governor Washington” while trapped under a shelter with some patrons
• Surprise, you’re a bartender
• “Personal Private Pirate Parade”
• Jennifer’s “Sing with me” sign
• Getting brought up on stage with Bounding Main, for Health to the company
• Pickle girl and 4 of 1

Worsts

• Tornado warnings
• Rain
• Having to break out my “authoritative” voice on a little girl
• Rain
• Soggy tent / Air Mattress
• Rain
• Missing the other two cruises I was scheduled for due to storms
• Rain
• Do I even have any feet left?

Sometimes things happen that just solidify in my mind why I put myself through the physically exhausting experience of interacting with people at faires and festivals. This weekend had a number of moments, but one in particular stands out. This one nearly broke me on the spot, and really… who wants to see a grizzly pirate tearing up…

Close to the end of the day yesterday Ian and I were wandering playing with patrons. He stepped away for a few minutes to talk to some people and I was left alone interacting with people as they strolled by. These interactions are not much more than a wal-mart greeter “good day, i hope ye be enjoyin yer day” type thing, when this little girl and her mother and father approached me. She was about five or six and had a definite case of shyness. She wore a pink princess shirt, and darker pink shorts, with an eye patch pushed up into her hair. I could tell she was really interested in talking to me though because her eyes were huge, and she just couldn’t take them off me. I knelt down to eliminate some of the physical barrier and spoke to her. I asked her if she was having a good time. She nodded. Her mother then spoke, “we’ve been looking for you all day!” “What? Ye have, well you can stop lookin’ now as ye done found me”. The mother chuckled, and at that the little girl produced a pink sequined purse she had been hiding. She raised it up in front of her, and very carefully unzipped the zipper. She then every so gingerly reached two fingers into the purse, her eyes still transfixed on mine. She struggled for a moment to try to find what she was looking for then ever so slowly and cautiously drew a small glass stone from her purse. I smiled, and her mother spoke “She’s had it with her since January!” I nearly lost it right there. I then smiled again and asked her to show me once more, “What color lass?” giving me a moment to fight for composure. She did, and so I leaned in closely and asked her “So you’ve kept it safe ?” she nodded. “good lass, and has it worked for you?” at that her eyes exploded with delight, and a glow came across her face that could have lit the darkest of night, her head began to nod so vigorously that I was afraid she might end up hurting herself. “Awww good lass, you keep it safe and it will always work for you, I promise!” she nodded and we parted ways. I then walked off away from people to give myself a much needed moment to recover, and to drink it all in.
Anyone who says there is no such thing as magic needs to have their head, and their heart examined. It’s all around you, you just have to know where to look.

This weekend is the annual Port Washington Pirate festival in, you guessed it, Port Washington, WI.

I will be there as Boatswain John T. Hawser all 3 days (Fri, Sat, and Sun), adding my own special blend of piracy to the mix. Get this, I even have a schedule:

Saturday:
8-10am: Breakfast with the Pirates
11 am – ???: Invasion Cruise, on board the Windy

Sunday:
8-10:45am: Breakfast with the Pirates
11 am: Pirate Cruise, on board the Windy
12 pm: If possible, Parade
1 pm – ???: Invasion Cruise, on board the Windy

All other times will be spent wandering the streets doing god only knows what… at 6pm both Sat, and Sun I’ll be whereever the all hands sing is.

Ok, so perhaps I’m a little nuts… Yeah I know.. “a little?”… I have been seeing those Capitol One “Card Lab” commercials, and found them kinda silly. “WAR KITTENS?” But I got to thinking, you know… It would be kinda cool to have a custom card… So I dinked around in the Gimp (photo editing software), and came up with an image to use on my card.

Yeah, I’m a dork… but hey, I really have fun playing Hawser…

And no, thats not my real card number!